Final Blog - Poem modification #2

Here is the original poem; following that are the changes you suggested.

Fear of Flying

The early 80s for me meant freedom.
Being able to drink at only 19 and cruising
without a seatbelt.
A trip to Syracuse University
to drop my sister off.
One more week and I would be singing
as a student at the Eastman School of Music;
But tonight,
My friend and I were ready for some of that legal booze.
Once we left the bar,
we drove off in his big blue boat.
We flew up a hill,
it was fun how your stomach felt when you did that.
We were going the wrong way.
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor blared on the radio
I wondered if I would survive as we swerved to miss
the truck
and ran head on into
a tree.
I felt like I was slowly flying,
as I went through windshield; there was
blood everywhere.
My head is stapled from front to back;
Frankenstein's monster has nothing on me.
Depression and anger for months while my body healed.
I could never go to Eastman looking like a freak;
my music career was over before it had begun.


Fear of Flying

The early 80s [for me] omit meant freedom.
Being able to drink at only 19 and cruising
without a seatbelt.
I took a trip to Syracuse University
to drop my sister off.
One more week and I would be singing
as a student at the Eastman School of Music;
But tonight,My friend and I were ready for some of that legal booze.
Once we left the bar,we drove off in his big blue boat, an Oldsmobile, __________.what kind of car though?
We flew up a hill;
it was fun how your stomach felt when you did that.
We were going the wrong way."Eye of the Tiger," by Survivor blared on the radio you're making me feel old:) thanks!!
I wondered if I would survive as we swerved to miss
the truckand ran head on into
a tree.
I felt like I was slowly flying,
as I went through the windshield; there was
blood everywhere.
My head is stapled from front to back;
Frankenstein's monster has nothing on me. funny
I was depressed and angry for months while my body healed.
I could never go to Eastman looking like a freak;
my music career was over before it had begun.

Instructor Feedback
Jim, for the poetry section I'll be providing lots of in-text commentary and I'll be making lots of suggestions for you to consider. Your job is to have an open mind and to decide what it's going to take to make your poems be their best. I'm not asking you to regurgitate my suggestions. I only want you to review them objectively.Gary

Modified Poem

Fear of Flying

The early 80s meant freedom.
Being able to drink at 19 and riding legally
without a seatbelt.
I took a trip to Syracuse University
to drop off my sister.
The next week I would be singing
as a student at the Eastman School of Music;
But tonight,
my friend and I were ready for some of the legal booze.
Once we left the bar,
we drove off in his big blue boat, an Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight.
We flew up a hill;
It was fun how your stomach felt when you did that.
We were going the wrong way up a one way street.
"Eye of the Tiger," by Survivor blared on the radio.
I wondered if I would survive as we swerved to miss
the truck
and ran head on into
a tree.
I felt like I was slowly flying,
as I went through the windshield; there was
blood everywhere.
My head is stapled from front to back;
Frankenstein's monster has nothing on me.
I was depressed and angry for months while my body healed.
I would never go to Eastman looking like a freak;
my music career was over before it had begun.