David was one of six boys, out of a total of fifteen in his 5th-grade class, whose fathers were in prison. He hated that he could only see his father once a week; but he hated it more that the only way he could get there was via his mother. His mother constantly badmouthed his father. “I told that good for nothing bastard he was going to get caught dealing,” David’s mother reminded him often, “but he thought he could get away with anything.”
David followed the, by now, familiar path to the visiting room. His mother sat out in the lobby; she had never once visited David’s father (his parents had never married) and she had no intention of ever doing so. David sat in his usual chair; he liked it because one of the legs was shorter than the others, and if the conversation with his dad dragged, he could rock back and forth. Many of the prisoners had to see their families in a room with glass between them; David was grateful that he could at least hug his dad, even if there was a guard with them the whole time.
For the next half-hour, David and his father talked about what had been going on since their last visit: David had gotten an “A” on his math test, he’d broken a neighbor’s window playing ball, and he’d had to give up his Gameboy for a week because he’d mouthed off to his mother’s latest boyfriend. David’s dad told him that he needed to show his mother more respect. “Why,” David questioned, “she sure doesn’t show you any respect.”
“You let me deal with your mother’s attitude towards me; we’re talking about your attitude towards your mother.”
David promised his dad he would try to be more respectful, though he suspected it was an empty promise. He hugged his dad goodbye and went out to the lobby to meet his mother. “Dad said hi,” David lied.
“I think you met to say your Dad was high,” his mother chuckled.
“Quit ragging on him, he’s a way better father than the assholes you’ve been sleeping with since he went to jail.”
David’s mother put her hand back to slap his face, but didn’t follow through. “Let’s go, we’re having dinner at KFC with Jordan.”
Off all the men David’s mom had been with in the year since his father went to jail, he hated Jordan the most. Jordan always tried hard to be a father to David; but David always reminded him that he had a father and sure didn’t want anyone like Jordan taking his father’s place.
After they got their food, they sat down at a booth in the corner. “David,” his mother said, “Jordan got a job in Pittsburgh and the three of us are going to be moving there in a month.”
“The hell I am,” David yelled, “you will do anything to get me away from Dad. I’ll stay with Grandma, but there is no way you’re getting me to move to Pittsburgh.
Creating my own sets of details involving character and situation:
1. A clown fired from the circus.
2. A man contemplating a sex-change operation.
3. A woman considering giving a kidney to her estranged sister.
4. A doctor who just dropped a heart he was transplanting on the floor.
5. A taxi driver who finds a briefcase with ten thousand dollars in the back of his cab.
6. A teacher who has only eaten Twinkies for lunch for the past twenty years.
7. A young boy sneaks into a tiger's cage at the zoo.
8. A family wakes up to find their house has been overrun by bats.
9. An employer has to tell his best friend that he's been fired.
10. A fortune teller finds she's suddenly making correct predictions all the time.
Instructor Feedback
Nice job playing around w/ plot, character, opposing forces, conflict, and choices. These elements, more often than not, get readers flipping pages. It's up to us as writers to motivate readers, to make them want to continue reading, to continue flipping pages. Plot, the novelist Kurt Vonnegut has taught me, is one of the best tools to do this. Typically a weak plot or slow plot without much action or details will distract readers and keep them from. . . yes, turning the page. . . which we must avoid at all costs.
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