Music and Metaphor - Journal Assignment - Poem for Review

(The original exercise was color-coded to distinguis between alliteration, etc. I could not figure out a way to do this with the blog)

Alliteration
Assonance
Repetition
Rich Consonance
Partial Consonance



The dusk of evening comes on. Earlier a little rain
had fallen. You open a drawer and find inside
the man's photograph, knowing he has only two years
to live. He doesn't know this, of course,
that's why he can mug for the camera.
How could he know what's taking root in his head (also knowing in line two is repetition)
at that moment? If one looks to the right
through boughs and tree trunks, there can be seen
crimson patches of the after-glow. No shadows, no
half-shadows. It is still and damp....
The man goes on mugging. I put the picture back
in its place along with the others an give
my attention instead to the after-glow along the far ridge,
light golden on the roses in the garden. (golden would also be partial consonance with garden)
Then, I can't help myself, I glance once more
at the picture. The wink, the broad smile,
the jaunty slant of the cigarette.

Instructor Feedback

Hey, James, your submission is a dazzling burst of color and music. Like I said earlier (told you I was going to repeat myself) after tinkering with words for some time, we (poets and all creative writers) develop a writerly instinct for the music embedded in language. That's the lesson, here, to know what devices help make the music and then to make our own.
Gary