Plot, Perspective and Point of View - Journal Assignment - Exercise page 91 (Distance exercise)

Distance 1

On a quiet September night, an effeminate, elderly man, open his front door to the sounds of barking from dogs and dinging from a clock.

Instructor feedback
No names at this distance or pronouns. Study the example on pg 91 / simply replace "his" w/ "the"

Distance 2

Walter Richardson, a 75 year old transvestite, unlocked his front door and was greeted by his beloved cocker spaniels. The seven muted clangs from the clock on his roof told him that he was late getting home.

Instructor feedback
no pronouns yet.

Distance 3

Walter had always loved cocker spaniels and had won many awards raising them. His dogs were always happy to see him, unlike the neighbors who found the idea of 75 year old transvestite repulsive.

Instructor feedback
still no pronouns.

Distance 4

The barking and licking from the cocker spaniels combined with the familiar clanging of the clock on the roof, told Walter he was home. It was his sanctuary from the world outside, where those who hated him would just as soon he took his queer lifestyle and moved to San Francisco where he'd be with his "own kind."

Instructor feedback
on target

Distance 5

"Oh how happy I am to see you," Walter said as he petted and kissed his beloved cocker spaniels. "You don't care that I'm a transvestite, you only care that I love you and feed you." As the large clock outside clanged that it was 7:00, he realized that it was past time for his precious friends to be fed.

Instructor feedback
No names here or he / she pronouns. Use you/your/me/mine/my . . . Something like this but I can't work w/ the first part of your example: You petted and kissed your beloved . . .