Final Blog - Poem modification #1

Original Poem

More Than I Thought I Got
My father, standing in front of his boat
holding a large trout, is smiling
as four of his friends look on
admiringly.

I used to be jealous of my father’s
friends, because
I could not develop the kind of relationship
he had with them.
Things he enjoyed, I was never interested in; probably because
never took the time to expose me to any of them.

Time passes and our interactions devolve into one blow-up
after another.
I move out and focus on my own life;
But I’m still bitter at all the things I felt
he never gave me. We go months without
saying a word to each other.

Gone. My anger has diminished since
his passing. My love of learning,
my passion for things I enjoy, my sense of humor.
All came from him. Thanks Dad.

Instructor Feedback
Some thoughts while reading your poem, Jim: 2nd stanza, last line: "he" is needed; your last stanza is powerful and raw!! That's how it's done!! Every word counts 100% and nothing else is needed. That said, how can you get the other stanzas to be as chiseled and perfect?? --Gary

What I Modified
1. Corrected grammar errors
2. Modified stanzas 1 - 3 in an attempt to give them more power. I tried to do this by focusing more on the relationship between me and my father and less on his relationship with him and his friends.
More Than I Thought I Got

My father, looking very happy,
is standing with his friends in front of
his boat; I never once rode on it.

My father enjoyed the company
of others,
as long as that company was not me.
We never developed any kind of relationship; probably because he never exposed me to
anything he was interested in.

Every conversation we had was just one
blow-up after another.
It almost became an involuntary reflex for us to
put each other down; the goal
seemed to be to make ourselves feel
superior over the other person.
Months would go by with no interaction between us whatsoever;
I got nothing from him but an inferiority complex.

Gone. My anger has diminished since
his passing. My love of learning,
my passion for things I enjoy, my sense of humor.
All came from him. Thanks Dad.