Introduction To Poetry - Journal Assignment

Freewriting for 10 minutes

In the early 1980s, the drinking age was 19 and you didn’t have to wear seatbelts; if either of these had not been true, my life would have turned out far differently.
After taking my sister to Syracuse University, my friend Mike decided he and I should hit one of the bars. I was excited about starting school at the Eastman School of Music the following week, and figured it would be my last hurrah for a while. We left the bar around eleven with Mike just slightly less inebriated than I was. We got into Mike’s ’64 Oldsmobile (the big blue boat as we called it) on our way back home.
The area around S.U. is known for its one-way streets as well as it being very hilly. Mike decided that if would be fun to go really fast over the top of one of the hills; we both liked that feeling you would get in the pit of your stomach once you went over the top. As we hit the top of the hill going 75 in a 30 zone, the sensation of excitement was quickly replaced with horror as I realized we were going the wrong way and a truck was heading right for us. I can still remember that “Eye Of The Tiger” by Survivor was on the radio as swerved to miss the truck and ran head-on into a tree. It almost seemed like slow motion as I felt myself flying right through the windshield.
If we hadn’t crashed almost across the street from a hospital, I would have died from loss of blood. My recovery from multiple broken bones and a huge head laceration took weeks. My scalp was stapled from my forehead all the way to my neck. I looked like Frankenstein’s Monster. I was so depressed and so angry, that even though Eastman told me they would admit me the following year, I couldn’t do it. I was already uncomfortable with the way I looked before the accident, and now there was no way I would ever go out in public and perform looking like the freak that I had become.


Poem created from freewriting
Comments/suggestions/corrections from instructor in italics

Fear of Flying

The early 80s [for me] omit meant freedom.
Being able to drink at only 19 and cruising
without a seatbelt.
I took a trip to Syracuse University
to drop my sister off.
One more week and I would be singing
as a student at the Eastman School of Music;
But tonight,
My friend and I were ready for some of that legal booze.
Once we left the bar,
we drove off in his big blue boat, an Oldsmobile, __________.what kind of car though?
We flew up a hill;
it was fun how your stomach felt when you did that.
We were going the wrong way.
"Eye of the Tiger," by Survivor blared on the radio you're making me feel old:) thanks!!
I wondered if I would survive as we swerved to miss
the truck
and ran head on into
a tree.
I felt like I was slowly flying,
as I went through the windshield; there was
blood everywhere.
My head is stapled from front to back;
Frankenstein's monster has nothing on me. funny
I was depressed and angry for months while my body healed.
I could never go to Eastman looking like a freak;
my music career was over before it had begun.

Instructor Feedback

Jim, for the poetry section I'll be providing lots of in-text commentary and I'll be making lots of suggestions for you to consider. Your job is to have an open mind and to decide what it's going to take to make your poems be their best. I'm not asking you to regurgitate my suggestions. I only want you to review them objectively.
Gary